He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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