he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
