i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
