I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
