I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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