Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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