Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
