Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
