the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
