he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
