This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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