she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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