do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
