She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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