I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
