When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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