Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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