That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
