so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
