All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
