Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
