This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
