Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
