Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
