I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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