When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I love you. Go after that dick
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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