Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
