There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
