So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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