We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
