She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
