I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Randomize
