): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
