I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
