I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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