Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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