I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
zippers are such a cool invention
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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