You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
