maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
