Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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