Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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