Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
