The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
