I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
