i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
