id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
