Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
whose ass print is on the piano?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
