Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
