im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
