these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
