If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
