even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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