I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
