The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
