I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I checked into jail on foursquare
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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