So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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