Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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