i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
