So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
