i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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