Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
