she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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