:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dignity is for republicans.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
