You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
