She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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