It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
